Personal Poem About My Sterility and How All I Wanted Was To Be The Good Father I Never Had

Processed with VSCO with b1 preset

“I try / not to think about the animal / rearranged in unnatural configuration / its head visible in profile / one eye / refracting the last light it glimpsed” Lena Khalaf Tuffaha

Each trustworthy cone proves the main, charged image is true: The girls in suspension  iridesce. They paint drivers license numbers with wrists onto the side of the most beautiful American battleships. 102 347 0603, for example. They hang like high-rise window washers. Here’s the kicker: I’m still the news. Suggestive might have been black bears crawling up from the damp earth to maul the president. Or one of those twenty-seven thousand ton dreadnoughts pinched flat between two fingers. Or an erotic tax, now that’s highly suggestive. Girls painting through all that maraschino cherry string, that’s modernist, for sure, but it’s also known as good practice. And far from suggestive. That’s just the ax we’re living in.

From there in the bay they, the beetle-like girls blueberry-brushing battleships, do something eminently televisable for its arable non-controversy: They paint what all the world in its lust for voyeurism desires. Each trustworthy cove of medium provides a darker, salty, more complex shadow. O, I am prepared to write in light about those earnest girls with suggestive might. The wire will pick up the news with watery glee. Easy clicks. Phone it in from Atlanta. Experience our mother living out there in the godless ruin of celiac disease. Strung up, afraid of girls painting their oblique dominion. Have a beer, America. Or better yet, apologize. Who reads what’s poetry for essays anyway, O, pungent painting girls?

Portrait of Marx (2017)

Wikipedia Poem, No. 639

w639

work   thee must educate oneself     
of what skills in her craft       make 
a     streetcar named authority   oh
who made this sweatshirt sweetie

three rhetorical questions then
how          must she educate herself
of what a woman directs
how must she educate her people       and
which woman disemboweled aphorism   why

give education to balmy breath
of what         a woman must be 
educated     herself       or burn rubber

a cauldron who breathes deep must           
educate herself    of what women
landmark their assembly   who
fed these grapes which will us again

one last rhetorical question then
how indomitable      to enforce 
authority or     on a mantle 
a small golden rhetoric   quiver

 

Couplets

Wikipedia Poem, No. 597

w597-b-sm

“The line between full personhood and complete self-objectification is whisper thin.”
Nancy Bauer

“Saturn looking like a confection of mint and cantaloupe.”
Kim Stanley Robinson

 

as flesh and           constraints of the 
nonsexual       and as both our   

chances for and common: neither mutual 
and young women requires what young     

women requires   what young women 
requires what young women in and 

stressing being convey self heretofore people 
who play by   an unjust women         

requires       that writhing for       happiness 
them           resist          poignant ways than 

the          achievement: both our      
experiences for happiness that these people    

may shrink that i’m identical-and-more people 
who play by its rules beauvoir author’s in 

perhaps ulting serious       sexual and 
common:        neither people may shrink 

there an and men as women call a world in 
perhaps ulting in these extremes to do that 

young women require not         only these 
extremes because language       not    just 

women        require what find of full 
perhaps ulting one’s way that might call after  

one in the morning looking beauvoir repeated forgive     
me   use language not just to mean authority      

of the satisfactions and desires to other an 
author’s      in way that might attenuate is 

what might be called looking beauvoir repeated 
forgive me use better intentions and sex       

toys can promise   flesh and flash our   
worse fate          that and our        weasley being we 

use language not just to apologize        and 
convey self-objectifying serious kindness 

ceaselessly an anything   and     young 
women and not        just     women and    an 

author in personhood and flesh and a
mother         an even word is   one of 

dualism or more perhaps ulting in anything 
women and and and the self-objectifications 

and convey self-objectification a genuinely      
of   full personhood and nonsexual and 

sexual young women          and as 
women require therefore an even worse fate 

the      locus often to cement of the ways      
but all               most people and nothing more

an adulterated           foamed happiness and our 
worldview or   more what might at temptations     

author our experience 
authentical           dead end risk frisk our 

chances forgive us our language not only 
the thing conveyed but its sense       ceaselessly 

an objectification is what our worldview 
tempts within winking           

these extremes because language not    just        
a woman’s sexualism or more          that might       

of night authentical    experience one’s ways them 
resist poignant ways we     and an 

authentical experience but also to get        
women requires the self-objectification in 

them   resist poignant ways   but also get 
women’s sexual experiences for and as 

both           our chances for       happiness 
the same time   our experience as flesh and 

a nonsexual pitch of love      place at out feet the 
self-expressesion    to transcend risk find us find us failing

“Mocha Panties” by Arielle Greenberg

locallymadepanties

You have your skinny pants that you never wear
but that are the barometer. You have your fat pants
that you wear more than you need to. You have your
period pants that are dark and thick and forgiving
and comforting.

You have your period panties.

I have a new resolution not to wear my period
panties at non-period times. I have gotten into the
habit of wearing only my period panties and pretty
much never wearing my other panties, my nice
panties. My resolution is to wear nice panties every
day, even the days I don’t think l’m going to have sex,
even on the days when l’m going to ride my bike.

Once, in the locker room at the YWCA after tot
swim class, I saw another mom who was wearing
beautiful, chic mocha panties and a matching bra
even though she had just come from swim class and
had a kid. The panties and bra looked French, and so
did the mom. I swore right there and then to wear
my nice panties every day, even though my nicest
panties aren’t as nice as those panties were.

But then I got pregnant again and never felt like
wearing nice panties.

So that was three years ago. Exactly three years and
I am finally hoping to make good on my promise of
nice panties.

Thus far I have kept my nice panties promise for
about a week and a half. It’s been difficult. Almost
every day I reach for my period panties but I haven’t
relented. It does feel good to wear nice panties,
though it pains my heart to get on a bike or go to
sleep without sex when I am wearing them.

Even when the nice panties are not two-hundred-
dollar hand-washable silk tap pants, nice panties
are a conundrum.

spacer1

If you enjoyed this poem, please support the poet and purchase Arielle Greenberg’s fascinating, honest, nuanced and insightful book “Locally Made Panties”.

Remedios Varo (Pentagram)

Wikipedia Poem, No. 526

— juggling for
the cadillac having gawked
lustfully at sulkclouds
each
capped by a bichon frise

cadillac
having been gawked at lustfully
by lions and
this confident slow
heart a stepstage i

am the raspberry cloak
frambuesa
juggling for the cadillac having
lusted after loves
each

capped by sulkclouds each
capped by lions and this confident slow
heart
a stepstage
i am a mage-logician

with nimble fingers
and this confident slow heart
a stepstage i am the cadillac
having
tasted lust in gawkertown —

Muriel Rukeyser

Wikipedia Poem, No. 431

w431-sm

“In the day I would be reminded of those men and women, / Brave, setting up signals across vast distances, / Considering a nameless way of living, of almost unimagined values.” Muriel Rukeyser

      remain 
  consistent a 
      commitment to an 
apt 
   description 
  of her feminist 
activities garnered her 
our twentieth-century 
       coleridge our neruda
        organized protests against 
the whole of her remarkable femininity
a woman
a jew
       a 
jew a jew a jew
         a jew
a 
single multitude
the trial of american poetry  
     an apt description 
        american poetry in her 
        121-page fbi file and 
         an innovative body of american poems 
out of work across the trail
of cultural norms and taboos 
       this consistent
commitment 
to deeply human activities 
violated by various vietnams

paculum-spec2-sm
Sources:

Wikipedia Poem, No. 320

wiki320

“I hear now / the faintest of songs, the humming / the dew makes / evaporating from the garlic leaf.” Galway Kinnell

 

every few years belief
trumps stories of agelessness
about now deny the subject

maybe this if the young woman
trump is one this is if
you don’t the outrages

confirm her record-breaking age and shake
motion on friday of the thing
sexual overture-wide she writes

like a backlit halo the cause the last
few years recorded motioning the ultimate
behavior this sexual provokation

these few years past
trump essentially
noticed its impotence

many of-age women
said without a single
story but the same idea  no

Wikipedia Poem, No. 315

wiki315

“That’s another of the Oaxacan / experiences I mentioned, / but the rest are secrets.” Michael Robbins

 

of women over her
support forceful rejoinder
did little to beauty

pageant
for years a determined
90-minute debate

did little to her part
treat dignity
say his facts which she had been him

to deeply admire
his
man whose approval rating of his years

for her charges
of having for her
he called

the years for her charges
of a primary end
I could trade

justice about controversy instead claiming
credit for years
determined

women
aimed at
her cost clashing