“If only your arms were green, you could have two small lawns!” Ron Padgett
i’ve
been
in here i don’t fit in
new
york
took me about a week i don’t know
where
i don’t see people
and occasionally fail
as
a
person because i
don’t
see people who are
obsessed by
their
lives are
like i don’t fit
in
here i don’t
know i don’t
know
where i
had totally failed
as a person because
i had to
recover from
the delusion i failed as a person because
i don’t know where i had my
photo taken
i don’t know where
i don’t
see people who are like i don’t know i
don’t see people and
it took
me about about a
week i don’t
see people who are like i don’t
see
people
Sources:
Moshfegh, Ottessa, and Kristine McKenna. Certain Age.
Harper’s Magazine Foundation, May 2016. Web. 27 Apr. 2016.
Padgett, Ron. "Survivor Guilt." Best American Poetry 2015.
Eds. Sherman Alexie and David Lehman. New York: Scribner, 2015. 106-107. Print.
“an investigation a piston someone investigating
the dark corners and brown plottings”
The court doing made his
soul wicked behavior
met in the courtroom Both had
tear to draw on
joined the child
not
preparing to take plot orders
visited
in Syria
only living men
who had
expired
He’s
an investigation
a piston someone investigating
the dark corners
and brown plottings We
was
wicked his visa
had similar work and
despairs
bloody-up
mass execution
strip
to the country
disappear
into clouds
How can’t a being be enough
Must always a doing suffice
Where not should become great
Amongst the invisible dogwood
Breathe deeply when wince and be due
Somewhere it is clue enough and you
Swing or the axe itself Gertrude
Said enough is enough isn’t it
Obvious out here amongst the dogwood
Something foul is its bloom.
I lost it
what is it
objects mean
where is it happening what
him her shrinking away from the window what
does it mean
him her
you keep saying it but what does it mean
him her
him her
him
1,000,000 miles away
closer closer closer closer closer
a million miles away just stayed away
just to stay away a phone call away the trash
can reach out I
can reach out I
don’t want to reach
out I want to reach out I
can’t reach out with what hands with
what feeling with what emotion with
what connection with what 1,000,000 miles
away I keep saying
but what does it mean do I
want to do I
want him
know I
want her
to do I
want him do
I want myself
do I
know myself
cannot be
myself can
I know myself
him her
him him
him him
him her
hand
in her
her hand in her
what do I want when
do I want it
why
do I want to do I
want to do I
wanted him just 1,000,000 miles
away so so close no
closer what
do I want can’t decide
why
do I shrink
away from the window
wide wishing away from the window
when he comes closer
was running
away from the window when he comes
closer what do I want
to get from the window what
do I want to see you
know
what kind of light do I see
in the window
to experience walking
away from the window what
do I experience staying closer
to the window why
meditate one meditate why
come closer
we come
close at hand
her her keep saying
it but what does it
mean her
her her her her hand
him
him walk
Keep talking that’s what’s the problem
just keep talking just
keep talking because I need you
don’t stop talking. Recording keep talking
keep talking keep talking keep talking you’re not
ready
yet you’re
not
you’re not interested
I’m not ready
what are you ready for you
not ready
you’re not ready
to talk to you
to listen you’re not ready to
talk and ready
to listen
keep talking
what is it what
is it to listen
how do you listen how
does one learn to listen how
does one learn to need how
does one learn to learn to learn
learning leans into learning and
learn to lean into learning hope
for some learning and learn something to lean into
learning and sale do you sail what’s for sale what is for sale sale items only do you lean into learning and
sell something do you sell what you’re sailing
do you do well to sell what you learning
you lean into learning to sail into selling
what do you learn from this sale what
do you earn what do you learn to earn what do
you turn in
selling your sails what do you sale towards
a leaner you
him her
him her
I keep saying it but what does it mean
you keep saying it but what do you mean
I’m building something like a palace-like
you’re like a yurt like a palace
small no no no
more
like a heart made of leaves
and memories and
what do I use to find the leaves
what kind of palace do I want to sell
what do I learn what do I sail
what kind of sales will I use to bind the leaves
sales sales sales
This distraction where does it come from
where’s it going what her
you keep saying it but what
do you mean this distraction
this distraction
this color coming from this screen
this distraction this pixel this point
this point stretched out over the horizon
this picture
him her what does it mean where you going
him hurt
you keep saying it what does it mean this
distraction this pixel this point this poke this
what you’re trying to build this what
does it mean why
do you need to bind the leaves that leave
us here why have her why this leaf leaves us here’s
him hurt
you keep saying it but what does it
mean what are you building
what are you trying to build
what do you live
what are you living where are you going
you losing the message pay attention to
him her him
what are you saying what
do you mean what
are you saying what does it mean
him focus
him him him
focus you and him 1,000,000 miles away
him what does it mean what are you looking for
what do you want then then
him
focus what are you saying
what does it mean what does
