Wikipedia Poem, No. 182

 

mfstare

“If only your arms were green, you could have two small lawns!” Ron Padgett

 

          i’ve 
   been 
in here i don’t fit in 
new 
       york 
took me about a week i don’t know 
          where 
         i don’t see people 
        and occasionally fail 
as 
     a 
      person because i 
don’t 
see people who are 
obsessed by 
       their 
lives are 
    like i don’t fit 
    in 
here i don’t 
know i don’t 
    know 
where i 
had totally failed 
as a person because
        i had to 
recover from 
the delusion i failed as a person because 
i don’t know where i had my 
photo taken 
i don’t know where 
      i don’t 
        see people who are like i don’t know i 
         don’t see people and 
         it took 
   me about about a 
week i don’t 
         see people who are like i don’t 
         see 
      people

Sources: 
Moshfegh, Ottessa, and Kristine McKenna. Certain Age. 
   Harper’s Magazine Foundation, May 2016. Web. 27 Apr. 2016.
Padgett, Ron. "Survivor Guilt." Best American Poetry 2015. 
   Eds. Sherman Alexie and David Lehman. New York: Scribner, 2015. 106-107. Print.

Wikipedia Poem, No. 58

“an investigation a piston someone investigating
the dark corners and brown plottings”

IMG_4635

         The court doing made his 
soul wicked behavior 
met in the courtroom  Both had 
    tear to draw on 
         joined the child 
not 
preparing to take plot orders
     visited 
 in Syria
     only living men 
	who had 
  expired 
He’s 
  an investigation 
          a piston someone investigating  
          the dark corners 
      and brown plottings We 
         was 
          wicked his visa
had similar work and 
     despairs 
         bloody-up
    mass execution 

strip 
  to the country
disappear 
     into clouds

Anxiety

IMG_3863.JPG

How can’t a being be enough
Must always a doing suffice
Where not should become great
Amongst the invisible dogwood
Breathe deeply when wince and be due
Somewhere it is clue enough and you
Swing or the axe itself Gertrude
Said enough is enough isn’t it
Obvious out here amongst the dogwood
Something foul is its bloom.

experimental meditation poem, no. 1

photo (2)

I lost it
what is it
objects mean
where is it happening what
him her shrinking away from the window what
does it mean

him her
you keep saying it but what does it mean

him her
him her

him

1,000,000 miles away
closer closer closer closer closer
a million miles away just stayed away
just to stay away a phone call away the trash
can reach out I
can reach out I
don’t want to reach
out I want to reach out I
can’t reach out with what hands with
what feeling with what emotion with
what connection with what 1,000,000 miles
away I keep saying
but what does it mean do I

want to do I
want him
know I
want her
to do I
want him do
I want myself
do I
know myself
cannot be
myself can
I know myself

him her
him him
him him
him her

hand
in her
her hand in her

what do I want when
do I want it
why
do I want to do I
want to do I
wanted him just 1,000,000 miles
away so so close no
closer what
do I want can’t decide
why

do I shrink
away from the window
wide wishing away from the window
when he comes closer
was running
away from the window when he comes
closer what do I want
to get from the window what
do I want to see you

know

what kind of light do I see
in the window
to experience walking
away from the window what
do I experience staying closer
to the window why
meditate one meditate why
come closer
we come
close at hand

her her keep saying
it but what does it
mean her
her her her her hand

him
him walk

Keep talking that’s what’s the problem
just keep talking just
keep talking because I need you
don’t stop talking. Recording keep talking
keep talking keep talking keep talking you’re not
ready
yet you’re

not

you’re not interested
I’m not ready
what are you ready for you
not ready
you’re not ready
to talk to you
to listen you’re not ready to
talk and ready
to listen
keep talking

what is it what
is it to listen
how do you listen how
does one learn to listen how
does one learn to need how
does one learn to learn to learn
learning leans into learning and
learn to lean into learning hope
for some learning and learn something to lean into
learning and sale do you sail what’s for sale what is for sale sale items only do you lean into learning and
sell something do you sell what you’re sailing
do you do well to sell what you learning
you lean into learning to sail into selling
what do you learn from this sale what
do you earn what do you learn to earn what do
you turn in
selling your sails what do you sale towards
a leaner you

him her
him her

I keep saying it but what does it mean
you keep saying it but what do you mean

I’m building something like a palace-like
you’re like a yurt like a palace
small no no no
more

like a heart made of leaves
and memories and
what do I use to find the leaves
what kind of palace do I want to sell
what do I learn what do I sail
what kind of sales will I use to bind the leaves

sales sales sales

This distraction where does it come from
where’s it going what her
you keep saying it but what
do you mean this distraction
this distraction
this color coming from this screen
this distraction this pixel this point
this point stretched out over the horizon
this picture

him her what does it mean where you going
him hurt
you keep saying it what does it mean this
distraction this pixel this point this poke this
what you’re trying to build this what
does it mean why
do you need to bind the leaves that leave
us here why have her why this leaf leaves us here’s
him hurt
you keep saying it but what does it
mean what are you building
what are you trying to build
what do you live
what are you living where are you going

you losing the message pay attention to

him her him

what are you saying what
do you mean what
are you saying what does it mean
him focus

him him him

focus you and him 1,000,000 miles away
him what does it mean what are you looking for
what do you want then       then
him
focus what are you saying
what does it mean what does

he mean

him him him him